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Heartworm

 

But there is more than a deteriorating and fading dream gnawing at my soul.

is a friend.

A friend that I gave it all for.

And what for?

A battlefield is nothing compared to what we left behind that day.

I haven’t seen it for the longest and I need closure for I cannot suffer for so many souls and travesties. My heart and mind are closing their walls on me.

And this heartworm...

it keeps on clawing on my incessant thoughts. My fingers drum in deep pondering on the steering wheel.

There is always the option to turn back and not go back to that person who made me feel both worthy and worthless. 
There is the option to forget all we went through.

But this heart...

...it always gets in my way.

 

Guilty Compromise

She speaks her mind and you listen

You are wishing that she leaves

And quickly

Sadness emerges through her red lips

Rather cold and colorless the room is looking

 

The world burns on

The good and bad at war 

And all she talks of is of a dead broken love

 

But you know the story well

All the reasons and the pain

If you could write a book

It could possibly not end

Yet you don't speak a word

Your hand is hers to hold

You might end with broken bones

You say that's what friends are for

 

Even the olden keep evolving

But her heart has frozen in a glass globe

The door is open and is waiting

You can see yourself run out

So hopeless

 

Her world burns up

She dances on and on

She is in love with her bleak past

Worshipper of a dead heart

 

How did you end up in here?

It was faster than a blink

She calls you her best friend

In your hook she chose to sank

For you have failed to choose

And contagious are the blues

Here she comes

Oh, so distraught

You stay like a good friend does

 

To and Fro

 

My clock is not correct

It keeps saying it is time to get going

You give me away when you promised you would stay

I just don't get it

 

Are you alright?

Are you okay?

 

The boxes will stay

A reminder of our way of secret-telling

And now I am deaf

Oh, I resent that

 

But I make out what you say

Are you alright?

Tell me why

Tell me why

Are you alright

 

Whatever once has happened

It cannot go farther

Tie us back to the dock

Once sailing to the mountains

We cannot go faster

Pacing love to and fro

 

My pupils want to make up a story in my head

As you are pacing

The childhood that we shared

Did it crumble in my head

As you are pacing?

 

Are you alright?

Tell me how

Tell me how

Can you be alright

 

I wish I could remember

All the good days floating

Some sinking

Out of reach

The ocean gleams much brighter

Than all of your smiles

Forgotten

As you keep pacing to and fro

 

Reprise

 

Everything could have been so different

Everything I said, I said it thinking of you

Now my picture is punctured by blood darts

And eyes have turned to daggers

 

And all you do is laugh about

You do not even glance back

And all you do is push me about

You do not even hunt them down

 

Where are you?

Abandoned

Flashing lights

Wake me soon before the clock can strike

The ruse is over

The tower is crashing

Wake me soon before the roles reprise

 

Energy is slowly fading

There is no feast for those that go 'round breaking hearts

 

For all I did was watch your back

A journal for your dark past

Was locked deep within my heart

And all you did was point and laugh

 

Where were you?

Forgotten in the light

Host of all

The danger of a smile

Why did I ever accept you?

Why?

There is no reprisal for the lost

 

You are gone

Eternal fading lights

Went to sleep after our final fight

The play is over

Applauding vultured

Woke you up

Reprise what you once were

 

Diane

 

She told me that we could no longer be friends

Pondering as hard as rain

She left me in the doorway

After all the decades filled with secret and affairs

She told me that we could no longer be friends

 

Diane, she said nothing

Only spoke with her eyes

Rare was her demeanor

Into a stranger she turned

Diane, she keeps walking

Never learned to look back

Not even as her name I damned

 

The warriors keep on fighting despite the scorn

A family until the end

That was what we both had thought

She did not give me the time

Reason or trial

True warriors keep on fighting despite the lies

 

Diane, her touch scorching

My arm as she walked off

Years in every step that echoes

 

The allies keep on fighting despite the tears

A union way beyond the grave

Man were never to break off

She did not give me a glance

Final choice or a word

The allies keep on fighting despite lost time

 

Am I Going Mad?

 

You gave me a moment

Never on my own

Even when the door was closing

You opened more

I would never worry

I always had you

The world turned tiny when I was with you

 

Am I mad?

Are you gone?

 

It was in the morning

When my sight turned blue

Your arms turned into a cave of ice

So cruel

Remedies were thrown out

I could hardly stand

One confession turned you into a foe

 

Am I going mad because I had thought that

You and I always had each other

Am I lost?

 

And the Sun never rose as high as before

Your love died when I gave you my weak heart

 

I am going made after what we did to

You and I never will recover

 

You are gone

 

Sticks on the Bricks

Later has become the only norm we know

Throwing away the morbid games

All that we kept was red neon chalk

Fugitives of all the parks we walked

Everyone keeps asking where we are

You buried our red neon flares

 

I hate that you kept me

The hounds keep on barking

I hate that you failed me

My knuckles are hurting

 

I filled this wall with neon sticks

Running deep inside of me

It turned bloody in a blink

You washed the other walls for me

Do not even let me sleep

Chalk is splinters in my skin

 

Ready to be struck

Glued by my knees on concrete floor

I said enough for you to form a paradox

Waiting for the blow

Marking my body in a code

You said enough for me to formulate to a plot

 

You hate that I loved you

The hounds hoarse from barking

You hate that I forgave you

These walls glow from hurting

 

I tried to act more civilized

Every brick now bears a slice

Of each memory we own

You took my friendship a tad far

Clearly, it would never last

Chalk dust clenches in my heart

 

One more

Last one

But they will know

Just one more line

Once more

They all will know

 

Why Did You Believe?

Why did you believe that I would leave you here?

Have I ever let you down?

Have I ever looked down to not see the whole world

With your hand

With my life?

 

You did not teach me to be your best friend

Yet each day I was the sharp sword in your hand

And the shield now broken that gave you a home

Underneath the scalding Sun

But now you are alone

 

When the planet torn and the Sun shone no more

I was there to make a fire

And hear secret desires

Until the stars would fade

In your hands

I found air

 

You did not pave any stone in our path

And I gladly would make myself be the last

Troubled hearts were envious when we walked along

 

Underneath the scorching Sun

How could you draw back when we had it all?

And not even a farewell I deserved?

Underneath this blinding Sun

You left me all alone

 

With the shards of who I once was I ran

But your figure was fog when I reached the stars

With the box of memories you left to burn

I will make you an altar that life will loathe

 

Underneath the precious Sun

I will learn to move on

 

Water the Rain

 

The pain and the glory are my best friends

Help me carry this cross of true love

 

With you I had discovered how to stay true

The storms were a spring breeze as we both wandered

Tired and courageous

Hyper and spontaneous

Soft imagination that soothed us

 

Now we are here again

Drowning are we in here

Now we are still again

Fighting are we in hell

 

Fire and mountain unite

But the union wants to burst

Hush and whisper again

Trust that I will push you

 

So far are the sweetest of memories

So God help me if I hate you such

This house of cards was a skyscraper built to kill

 

There are no gardens that you and I can feed

No treasures deep in the sea for me

Who will go up to the heavens and feed the rain that loved you?

 

The River Flows On

 

What happened to the endless nights of fun? 

How was it that our swing sunk in the sand?

Do you remember where we made our stand

And with blood we swore it would last?

 

It was as if we never spoke a word

A new dimension thriving in our eyes

To only see you slam the door and fly

With the silver wings I tore

 

The sweet winter walks turn to frozen hell

We are scared and lonely and we will not make it

But our world is over and the river must still flow on

It will without the sun

 

From eating off the palms of our young hands

We pass each other now without a glance

Where youth and fruition was our dream

Here a wasteland bears our wood cross

 

Hold me close in dreams with one last heartbeart

Are you not glad we have met though we never made it

For we learned to be strong as we watched the river flow on

It will without the moon

 

Without our love

 

Watch Me Do It Again

 

Am I here by mistake as we cross paths again?

Hold on the sword 

The one with my drying blood

Are you here for a chance to newly break mh heart?

Hover in clouds of freedom

 

God was a cruel friend who spoke to me once 

And told me I had to learn to walk alone

In these new shoes that hurt me so much

This journey you forced to run on

 

In the thunder of your laughter there are signs I should have heard

In the fire of your fingers should have crashed to the ground

In the darkness of your bedroom I should have hugged the walls

But you blinded me with your love

Love so rotten

 

Wrapped in your web of farce

I am not sure no more of all we were

Of all the sunshine now gone

With a sword in your hand

With my heart torn and drenched

I still could watch you do it again

 

Watch the Earth split with my fingers aching to feel the land

Watch the flood roar with my weak voice screaming out to your home

Watch the maze twist me to madness and shine to me no light

I am blinded by this torn love

Love so feeble