Perla Dal’s
Oxytocinite
Perla Dal’s thoughts and emotions have hidden well within a universe that has slowly emerged and transformed into words. Into poems. A timeless legacy has begun and this is the first of many poetic journeys that shed light on the unfiltered and forever changing world of Perla Dal.
Bereaved and Awake
It was quite the dismay what his loss caused me. It distorted all of my reality. In fact, there was no more reality. The line between sanity and surrealism merged into a nasty mess that I couldn't seem to find a way out of at this point of my life.
And that was when I thought about it.
That there was no future.
What had happened to it? Where had I thrown it to amidst the sleepless nights and the turbulent tides?
Beyond him, what was going to happen to me?
I had thought about it and I realized how little I had enjoyed life. That nothing that I had ever done had been good enough for anyone and that my mistakes would forever haunt me for the rest of my life, no matter what I did or where I went.
But that couldn't stop me from thinking of what was going to happen to me at this point. I couldn't even remember how did any of these thoughts begin anymore. I couldn't blame anyone anymore, not even myself. And the more I thought it, the more I realized that perhaps this was the time to move on.
The distant future was pressuring my every breath and I couldn't run away from all that I had done right and wrong that led me to this point. I had to face it and stop running away from the fear and the doubts which binded me to this pointless existence.
And I newly again made my way to my sanctuary and used what had always kept me alive, actually.
Words.
It had been words that had healed me, that had pushed me forward, and it was words that were going to help me clear my heart and mind right now. It was the absence of oxytocin that had warped me into the despicable person I would forever dislike. I had failed myself but it couldn't go on.
So with nothing but paper and a pen, I was going to write my final decision. It wasn't going to be easy but it was going to be right.
And for once, I wasn't going to be afraid.
N E W A N D N E W E R
It might have the horror
Of losing you completely
The chain that kept me in place
But I realized I was bound to your tomorrow
It hurts to be forgotten
I dream of you in many ways
But my brain bleeds each day
I forgot if I love you or if I miss you
New and newer are these feelings
That devour me
Possessing me
My body feels so old
A million light speed years away
But my mind keeps evolving
You are hanging by a thread that life is ripping
New and newer are these feelings
That come to me
Changing me
It might be I was sold
To something that has no true soul
But I was taught that you
Are a figment of my past
Where I am buried
It may be I was doomed
To never love somebody here
But I do not regret
What my life once gave to you
You are my magic
New and newer
Are my feelings that I have for you
Oh, they are killing me
New and newer
Are my feelings of how I feel for you
Oh, how painfully
I am never going to return
SUICIDE WATCH
There is no wine left for me to pour
Thinking of the way life could have been
Drinking to a cause that makes me sick
Everybody walked back to their lives
Am I only one who stayed to linger behind
Playing it over and over
How can it be that no one else sees what I have seen
Sometimes you wish to change something so it looks your way
Maybe if you had been
On a suicide watch
You would still be here
Thankful that they worried
Maybe if you had been
Tearing out your heart and writhing
You would still be here
Time is always healing
Voracious were the lips that fed you at times
Having much is never good enough
Requesting one more song seemed to sound well
Not when you are trublued
Deep in hell
No introspection was ever needed
That was why you came up with these stories
Just had to think of your turmoils and sorrows
Help you with your cross so you would not crumble
Sometimes you wish to change but nobody seems to care
Maybe if you had been
On a suicide watch
This Earth would still spin
Grateful that they saw you
Maybe if you had been
Frozen in your bedroom
Writhing
You would still be here
Giving my life some sense
RAW MATERIALS
True love fell far from my hands
Quests to begin a collection of the gold and diamond mines
thrusted me closer
To what I thought was life
The innovation of vibrant feelings that Have died with you
Thrusted me closer
Where did God take your soul?
I have been working on raw materials to create
one more chance
Please bring him back
The Doors of Death have closed
Waking to a new nightmare
Hold me back so as not to strike
Give me the glory
Why did God take your soul?
I recollected the most precious of the metals to create
A New Life
To bring you back
Give me time to bring you back
RAGING IN FLAMES
There is nothing in this room
Only ashes
Your lovely bones in the ashes
Everyone cries for you today
Where were they when you too cried?
Talk to me
Calm me down
I could become a huntress
And find all of those that pledged you love
Rage in flames
In ashes lay
Waiting to hear their words
The way they heard yours
Nobody rushed to rescue you
Rage in flames
And leave you there
Raging flames spread through time’s hands
MOVE ON
Where did I throw Time away?
He, too, will never come back
How this lonely winters lasts
agonizing life
My heart is weary now
Sometimes it pretends to not love more
But I know that deep down it, too, wants to move on
We dance between the sheets of raining stars
There is no sorrow
Just like you
I want to feel
The love that we have slept within
It carelessly made its way out
The light is flickering inside my heart
It has mesmerized me more
How my love for you seems to not end
my heart is stronger ever since I let you play
With my heart
With My soul
You give me love and you show me that there is still Time
He only waited for me
i have to wait until it stops
And solemnly await my call
But I still know I must move on
FIRST FUNERAL
How many days can I cry?
My eyes did not ask to be tortured for these many years
I lost track of the days
I want to throw my feelings in your coffin
Beneath the black suits
Lies a game
They will listen
Not again
They cannot not hear you
You are here
But you stand still
The icy look in your young eyes
Lies dormant now
And their demands die
Why wait for this?
There is no turning point for you
Too late
Will you forgive us for what we did?
ODE TO MY GRIEF
It’s a chemical imbalance
a disease that shrinks your heart
everybody keeps believing that in time you will smile back
and it seems that life keeps moving
No one wants to see you cry
You care less the sun is shining
When your world has turned pitch black
Did you think that this would be the way your life would turn around?
I guarantee you that nobody thought that you would break down
Nothing brings you back to us
You are still sleeping in your bed
Your heart is dead
Your mind is broken
What we see are your remains
There are changes in your body
Changes in your view of life
It is cruel to hear you happy of the day you will die
It was only one man
It was only one bad news
One death
All it took to ruin your every day and all that you once dreamt
Did you think that life would fall apart the moment that you knew?
I guarantee you no one wants to see you die alone
Nothing brings you back to us
You live but you're already dead
Your heart an ice cave
Your mind frozen
What you are is what is left
GLOAMING AWAKENING
Been feeling under the weather for some time now
Hugging shadows of my sorrow
I cannot make it
Cannot keep breathing
Keep driving
Don’t ever stop
But the demon knows every street
Keep running
Don’t ever stop
But the demon has me in shackles
I choke
I’m drowing
It does not sleep
I hate it
The pain to live is strong
I’m not scared
Ran out of convictions
I’m not scared
Of not playing fair
But please, cut its hands
The money is in flames
It does not care
That my brain is swollen
The parasite intends to win
The parasite has Hell to feed
The parasite intends to kill
The parasite will end with me
I lost this war
It happened fast
I hate it
The pain to live is gone
MENTAL HYSTERIA
Withered rose, you still make me bleed
And this blood tastes like your spiderwebs
The complicity of our mistakes
Die and gain
A thousand enemies
That will not sleep to see you toss in bed
Can no longer offer you a helping hand
Surveying each movement
Every single breath
While I bleed myself away
When the sun wakes up
Our words have turned to tales
Far into the clouds I paint hundreds of teardrops
The only resemblance that I have of you has turned into dust
Just like my mental gears
What can I do to stop when you are still here?
What can I do stop when I am still near?
What can we do to stop when we are both meek?
What can we do to stop when we feel so weak?
Withered rose, tainted with my blood
You decipher everything I hide
And your soundtrack is my endless screams
Died and gained
Millions of cacophonies
That will not sleep to see us toss in bed
Can no longer save you from the demons inside
Tried and only failed you once again
Turned to seafoam to drown my mental overdose
What can I do to stop when you are so near?
What can I do stop stop when you want a kiss?
What can we do to stop when we are still we?
What can we do to stop when we want to leave?
MENTAL INSOMNIA
I wear a dress
Someone told me I looked pretty
I have a date
Someone told me that I needed
Hardly asleep after drinking many teardrops
I keep seeing ghosts when I should be seeing my living future
I hate that I have to keep count
Of every year that passes by
The money and the time that I spent
Are not enough a sacrifice
What is it that I should do?
A deficiency in my soul
Has kept me from believing in myself
But I never did before
The insomnia has cuddled much closer
I swear that I hear it breathing
The troubles in my life are not healing
Yet the day passes on
Passes so easily
While I weep by myself
Waves of floatsam are crashing every morning
Ran out of room so I hoard it in my body
Only thing I wish for is that you can forgive me
Being a human means I grow useless and insipid
Chuckles
Hardly do I find the time to be kind and use a smile
The eyes of hideous monsters subside when i stop making money past
Evenings are not much fun
I have peace but I want more
Sleep for one more night and fly high
You can dispose of my body now
The insomnia has settled much deeper
I swear it hears that I’m screaming
Troubles in my heart are not healing
Yet the days pass me by
Pass by so quickly
While I sink by myself
While I float on my own
Wear my crown
It got so heavy
No more power
No more winning
I wore a dress
Got in line so I could return it
I had a date
But I ran out of the diner
My eyes are hazard lights as the street is flooding
I keep seeing a ghosts when I hsould be paying attention to you
While I cry as I drive
While I wish I could die
MENTAL MAELSTRöM
Feed the rainbows
With a sign of hope
It means nothing to us
The windy demeanor of the storm
Turns into a gloaming waltz
There are too many eyes
Too much to think about
I tiptoe so I can hide
But they somehow find me
And the effrontery has served me for nothing
For when the storm begins
We have to show this face
Houses rip apart
Jagged wood in hearts
There is poison in the air that’s screeching far
Forgot to lock every single door
THe maelstrom is close
Looking up to ask for one more chance
To rewind to my past
THe wounds in my flesh are nothing compared
TO the everyday dismay
Looking up to ask for one moe chance
To rewind to my past
The wounds in my flesh are nothing compared
To the everyday dismay
Can I help you?
Can I help you?
How helpless can we be
When we succumb to love?
It does not have to be
The one that heals your soul
The screeching sounds so nice
Better than most of us
Should we pretend to hide
IF she wants us to die?
Homes were torn apart
Way before the storm
I can only watch as she protects her own
Our brackish blood is hers to claim
The maelström is close
Can you help me?
Can you help me?
In the rocking chair where I loved the view
It has turned to a painting of incessant blue
The truth is that we are better off
So better off
Reconcile with those emotions that our demons chose to have
If you look back into what we were
You would jump in the storm
With questions left to ask your gods
With shame and devotion stalled
The thunder and ice pierces deep inside
The maelström does not waste time
SECULAR MATTERS
Wash me in the rain
Drink the cyanide
And the dart of true love pierces deep in the dark
Forge me a new sword
One that kills me
For i ponder ahead
By the breathless blue lake
Walk with me by the willows
A cliché we know exists
But it seems we want to gather
In the grounds of history
THe familiar could be tragic
It is fear that bounds us here
So I fear of who is watching
for I know it could be you
Earnest in its way
Closer to God
It is only a dream
It is only a myth
Walk with me in the forest
Faded are the echoes here
Troubled minds seem to acquire
A felicitous uprise
Tied to think we can survive fear
That we open a new door
But I know it leads me back to
Coffins painted with hushed love
Apparitions are the least of issues for the rest
Resolutions flutter by when we lie to the rest
Apparitions lead the way to heaven for the rest
Walk by me in the meadows
It was here where we first loved
I was tired with delirium
What a figment of my mind
Talk to me of hallowed eras
Will I ever feel your heart?
For I fear that you are watching
And perhaps you’ll leave me here
Walk to me in the darkness
Walk to me past the bastions
Walk to me with our heartache
I am drinking what you serve me
Be it cyanide or gold
I drink what you feed me
Be it fear or be it love
ON THE VERGE
Parasite illness
Howling hysteria
Meddling insomnia
Thunderous maelstrom
Twist all the hindering matters
In your funeral I saw
What could have been
Now there is a choice that I must make